Matthias Zomer - Nothing says romance like a stroll down your local crime area
After living in London for 9 months, and only been robbed once (they stole my selfie stick wtf!?). It was time for an update of an Aussie in London.
But this time, I wanted to go into the heart of criminality, an area where you can deal drugs and play dance-dance-revolution without getting a cease-and-desist letter from a former Australian Olympian.
Introducing Rowan’s, this is an iconic bowling alley, which is in the heart of Finsbury Park, an area known for muggings, drug dealing and murder (bonus: walk around the train station for the full experience). Entertainment for the whole family!
My experience was classic, to start, you get fully frisked by security, and all contraband gets confiscated, which (I assume) is the finest prison service. You are then requested to take a photo if you have no ID on you (to ensure you are profiled correctly).
I was pretty disappointed that when I got my ticket it didn’t come with a tray of prison food. But after all of these checks I managed to get into the venue.
The game itself was quite difficult to remember, no amount of rehabilitation could assist me from becoming a repeat offender in gutter balls. A very underrated crime, but as a male I actually don’t need to learn anything, and I’ll be explaining to you how you should be better at bowling.
But just as the alcohol was enhancing my feelings of remorse murdering 10 stationary objects, I was able to revert back to my teenage innocence.
Rowan’s has toilets where there’s staff sitting on a table, near the urinals and you pay money to use deodorant and/or cologne (revolutionary to both my lack of knowledge and hygiene). This is the opportunity to revisit your childhood, and their opportunity to judge your lack of taste.
There’s even a Karaoke area where you can walk-in and belt out your favourite tunes. (Fun fact: you should do it with a group of people and not just walk-in).
Overall, if you’re visiting Finsbury Park, stop over to Rowan’s, five-out-of-five stabs!
Self promotion time, if you like knives, you can stab me (with laughs) on the following-dates (dates and venues subject to change):
7th January - Ramshackle Collective - Ten-to-One Cocktail Bar
8th January - Red Den Comedy - The Red Lion
14th January - LOLipops - The White Hart
19th January - Healing Comedy - The Kings Arms
22nd January - Poplar Union - Poplar Cafe
But for now it’s goodbye, see you later alligator!